Voices Newspaper Altinkum Didim Turkey

FAST forward two and a half years since 2007 from my first two “Journey Within” columns (May 12th and 25th) where I described my initial experiences as a wide eyed exchange student ecstatic in the moment, the novelty of embracing a different culture still fresh and oblivious to just what the future held; a love affair with a Turk strengthened by marriage (guess why I am still in Turkey), a child on the way, a cafe remodel and opening (Gezgin cafe in Sahte Cennet), the addition of a whole new set of in-laws issues and illnesses on top of my own families.

I am writing this now from a point of retrospect. I started writing this column recently sitting on the plane back to Minnesota, USA from Turkey wishing I was almost completed with the 15 plus hour, three flight journey that takes me back to everything I knew and made me comfortable before I started this endeavor with Turkey; my family, my friends, our American English and culture.

My anxiety about the foreign life I have chosen attacks as I sit confined to my thoughts in seat 5B. Ahhh, excuse me… water please!

6 years ago I had moved to San Diego, California, eager for a new life experience but a brief 3 hour flight back home maybe an ambitious 24 hour DRIVE. I had plans to move back to Minnesota after university finished to be closer to my family, my roots that have made me so strong and supported me through all my adventures throughout my twenties.

But as Thirty approaches a series of events have taken me a 24 hour FLIGHT further not closer.

The anxiety heightens when I remember the isolation I feel in Turkey because I don’t have the same independence I am used to in the States.

I don’t know how everything works, where everything is (simply where to buy paints and canvases or what toothpaste is the best), why things seem to take so much longer to complete and my Turkish language skills aren’t developed enough to make things happen for myself so I rely heavily on my husband or others to get things done thus crippling my strong sense of independence.

I can’t just go to my mom’s, sister’s or friend’s house when I am feeling frustrated. I can’t simply pick up my cell phone to give them a call. First I calculate the 8 hour time change: “Ok, if it is 12 noon here in Didim then it is 4am in Minnesota and darn it…everyone is sleeping! Ahhhh!”

Then if somehow our times do match up I have to find an internet connection to call them on my computer with Skype (thank god for the internet and web cams).

Then when I finally connect with my mom for some serious venting, complaining and crying she allows me to release my frustrations and then quickly reminds me just how lucky I am; a family who misses me but loves me so, a wonderful Turkish husband (and in-laws) who I wouldn’t change for the world, a baby on the way, a seaside café, and the freedom of choice.

“When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable.” - Clifton Fadiman
I chose this life and as much as I literally scream, “I don’t understand…ahhhhh” while just wanting everyone to speak English around me and understand my world view.

The same day I meet some kind strangers, have a conversation with them, they compliment me on my Turkish skills and we might learn something from each other. I think, “Tamam, I can do this.”(I know I must be getting somewhere when I start talking to myself in Turkish. I heard you really have it mastered when you dream in the language but not yet).

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” -Maya Angelou. I am working on feeling at “home” in Ohhh Sweet Turkey.